Stfu Dr. Phil

Due to the overwhelming success of my features fireDavidHaugh.com and What Is Frank Deford Talking About? I've decided to start a stfu series.  First up is Dr. Phil commenting on Lebron James' future.  On a bit for Jimmy Kimmel's Finals' pregame show, Dr. Phil took a weak metaphor of Lebron & Cleveland being in a romantic relationship and just beat the metaphor within an inch of its life.  It started out started out bad, got worse and was cringe worthy by the end.  If you want to read and watch it, head over here. 

Now, I've told bad many jokes and I've kept at jokes until they're no longer close to being funny anymore.  But I'm not on ABC.  I'm also usually drunk when I destroy premises and jokes.  Time to get to it- here's some of what he said:

LeBron James and the city of Cleveland, Ohio are at a crossroads right now. Cleveland loves LeBron, that much is clear. But LeBron has had difficulty thus far expressing whether or not he loves Cleveland enough to keep the relationship going.


Well, he's played there his whole career, and the Cavs have yet to assemble a championship team around him.  You're also forgetting that Lebron can make millions more by staying in Cleveland-- so, to continue the metaphor, he could stay in a loveless relationship in Cleveland strictly for the money.

The problem is, there's a lack of communication here. LeBron has to figure out what his needs are and express them to Cleveland. Maybe it's more money. Maybe it's more control. Maybe it's sex. Maybe Cleveland isn't giving LeBron the kind of sex he might imagine he would get from a city like Chicago. Let's face it, Chicago can be a real slut.

Well, Chicago actually is a slut.  We'll latch on to anything with a local angle, national exposure and some degree of success.  Whether its the Blackhawks or the Cubs from 2 and 3 years ago or Jennifer Hudson, if we can claim anything (and its Chicagoness) then there's no measuring how much fawning we do.

There's also really no failure to communicate here.  Not unintentionally at least-- Lebron has negotiating power and talking at all will only negate that.  Plus if Lebron wanted something (say, a coach), then word would get out and that coach would be hired.  The Bulls new head coach was hired mostly because word came out that Lebron was okay with him.  Lebron has everything in his control and sometimes everything is a pretty cool hand.



Anyhow, there's not much-- just thought I'd point out how bad the metaphor was.  So stfu Dr. Phil.

And here's more The Mountain Goats